Everything I need to know I learned in South Africa.

1. Subtlety is overrated. Why beat around the bush when it’s easier (and faster) to just tell people what you want/think/feel/need. Example number one: “You’re fat.” Example number two: “Give me 50 rand.”
2. Towels are underrated. Westerns may think towels are only needed when wet situations may occur (or when at the beach) but alas! They can be so much more. They can be used to carry your baby on your back, as a door mat, or even as a skirt if you don’t have one handy and would like to make a very cool (read: strange) fasion statement.
3. Life is simpler with no hair. At the local schools, children are required to keep their hair a certain length which is usually borderline bald. It cuts down on lice issues and creates a fun game for me where I try to decide if a child is a boy or a girl. It’s a girl! It’s a boy! Eish! I give up. Just tell me. Even adults follow this philosophy. Many a woman keeps her hair very short. Even those that let it grow out a little cover it with a hat and say their hair is “too natural” to be seen.
4. The “everyone poops” law of life doesn’t really apply to everyone. It started as a joke between my friend and me but recently since I’ve been on school break I’ve begun to think this is true: My host ma never goes to the toilet! The pit toilet is close to my room and the door is loud and can often be heard opening/shutting and I have never seen her go in or out. I would ask her directly (see item 1) but I feel our relationship is not quite good enough for me to ask, “Hey ma, do you poop?” quite yet. Although I do believe asking such questions will finally warrant those weird looks she already gives me sans strange questions.
5. Planning for the future is just plain silly. This statement is proven by the way South Africans build their houses, South African condom usage, food choices, and alcohol use. Today I will eat 2000 calories in one sitting of pure fat (washed down with three beers) and my tummy won’t be hungry anymore. Period. Who cares if I die from heart disease or liver failure in a couple of years leaving my family in poverty in a house that’s falling apart. The future is that: the future. I’ll worry about it when I get there.
6. When the temperature drops below 70 degrees put on all the clothes you own, wrap a towel or blanket around your waist and complain about how cold it is until the temperature rises again. Oh, wait…I already do this. Moving on…
7. You can live on pap and meat your whole life. What did you have for lunch? Pap and meat. What did you have for dinner? Pap and meat. What will you eat tomorrow? Pap and meat. I don’t know…seems a little dull to me even though it must make grocery shopping a snap.
8. If the person is younger and smaller than you they’re probably not worth paying attention to. Actually, they would be completely useless if there wasn’t that nifty little government childcare check that comes in the mail every month and the fact that after a certain age, they become your very own personal servant! Woo.
9. Thank yous and byes are frivolous statements that have no place in everyday conversation. Well now that I think about it, so are “pleases” and “excuse mes”…and toothbrushes…and hair combs…and savings accounts…and most vegetables.
10. You may have no job, live with your mother (at 30), have five illegitimate kids with five different “wives,” no teeth and no job, but you’re still hot stuff and you should ask every girl out because damn it, she wants you. Um, where do I begin?
    

Currently listening to: Where’d you go? by Fort Minor

Currently reading: You are not a stranger here by Adam Haslett