Sites

(Editor's note: This blog was written over a two-day period, March 8 and March 9)

March 8, 2009
Today I found out that there is a definite possibility that I may hate my site. We had a meeting with the people that are choosing our sites and we found out that there is going to be a couple of volunteers placed in the same location that we are in now. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but we’ve spent the last month and a half just thinking that this was a temporary location, that we could leave here and go somewhere new. Ha, I think that a lot of us are born nomads, gypsies. But also, I don’t want to stay in this village. I’m getting more and more frustrated with my host family (namely my host father), and since this is a pretty small area, everyone knows everyone and pretty much everyone is related somehow to each other. So staying will pretty much guarantee that I’d have to maintain a relationship with them (him).
I’ve discovered that before training, I didn’t have very many expectations. I remember the first week we had interviews with upper management and I was asked what I expected in my site. I was taken aback. I had no fucking idea. During the whole Peace Corps process, I’d lost all sense of having a choice or an opinion in the matter of my life, so actually being asked was crazy. I quickly made up something. I don’t even remember really what it was. We also had a written questionnaire that we had to fill out, and I remember it listing examples of things our jobs could entail, and I remember saying that most of them were ok. Anything sounded better than being unemployed, which is what I would be if I were back in America.
But now, five weeks into training, I have expectations. I know more of what I want, mostly by learning about the things that I definitely don’t want. And, I definitely don’t want to stay here. And, I’m definitely not a small-town girl. Ha, who knew? Ok, I already knew that, but it’s definitely a sure thing now. I just love having tons of possibilities around me and knowing that I can have what I need when I want it. Oh, and I like living in places that are on a map or that Google recognizes as being valuable enough to warrant a search result. If Google turns up “no results” when a town named is entered, like Seabe or Marapyane is, then it’s not a place you will find me (on my own freewill. In Peace Corps, I have no say on anything). I trust Google to know the good places and if it’s not in the database, it’s not my kind of place.
Anyway…
So, doing the math…There are 11 of us that could possibly be put into the surrounding area. One site we know is going to a married couple. So, that leaves 9 of us to “compete” for 2 sites, which would mean that I have about a 20% chance of getting a site here. However, there are a few people that have expressed a sincere desire not to be placed here, so that leaves about…7 or 8, which makes my chances up to 35%. Plus, they said that one of the sites is with an organization that does home-based care for HIV patients as well as….a domestic violence shelter. So, I’m screwed.
Since I’m the only one that has direct domestic violence/shelter experience, and they go mainly by experience…I now have about (at least) a 50% chance of getting placed here. I only say 50% because there’s another girl that has expressed interest in working with victims of domestic violence. So, I feel like the spot will definitely go to one of us.
On the bright side, I do know this area and I have a good idea of what I’m in for if I stay here. Moving leaves a lot of variables. I could possibly be more optimistic if I knew that my site had such amenities as running water and electricity.
We know that a couple of people are going to more “urban areas” but my chances of getting placed in one of those areas, despite saying in my final interview that I wanted to be placed in an “urban area” are very (very, very) slim.
I’ve lost hope.

March 9, 2009
So I’ve slept on this new knowledge and thought about it all day. I’m coming to terms with being one of the unfortunate few that is not going anywhere (literally). I’ve began thinking of domestic violence as something that I am familiar with and wouldn’t be so bad.
I guess I even have contacts in the domestic violence world and could tap back into them if I really wanted to. I know I gave the agency I worked with a lot of crap, but I think what I may be going into is a lot (lot, lot) less developed and my knowledge would probably work. Hey, it’s a start, right?
I think, honestly, the electricity issue might be the hardest thing to deal with. I know I was said during my last interview that I didn’t want to have to fetch water, but stupidly, I assumed that we would all have electricity because all of the last group had electricity. Stupid, stupid.
Note to self: Assume nothing in the Peace Corps…anything is possible.
So, we’ll see. It’s become a little bit of a joke now, between the Setswana and Sepedi language groups. Mainly Setswana because we’re the ones at the biggest risk of being placed here. I’d be very surprised to see a Sepedi here. Most of us have decided to hate the Seswati and Zulu groups because they have gotten word that they’re sites are going to be awesome. They’re going to the mountains near Swaziland, where it’s said to be quite beautiful, and some may have the opportunity to work both in South Africa and Swaziland! We hate them.
The one downside to their placement is that it’s going to take quite a while for them to get to Pretoria (where the Peace Corps office is). Ha. Take that!
Ugh, I just want it to be Friday already. It’s so hard to know that they know and are being cruel by not letting us know. Honestly, site selection people listen up, I think it’s bullshit when they say that don’t know what site we’re going to be placed. I think that crap’s already been decided and they’re just waiting for the OK’s from all the right people. Most of it isn’t going to change. We’re all way too diverse in personality and skills to be that interchangeable. So, give up the charade and tell us already.
Woah, can you sense my hostility coming through? I feel it radiating.
Ok, really, I am frustrated by all this, but mostly it’s my host father and men in this country. (Ha, always blaming men for my troubles, ay?)
I don’t get it. I really wasn’t a feminist before coming into the Peace Corps, and the gender issue never even really came up or bothered me much until I got into this country. Now I always feel like it’s in the back of my head and I feel like the fact that I don’t have a penis is really going to get in the way of me doing well here.
It’s even portrayed in the way we’ve been trained. Sure, there are women that have come to talk to us, but usually they’re with a man and the man does most of the talking. When we have panels with community members, the men are always the dominate voices. Even with our Language and Cross-Cultural Facilitators (LCFs) we see how the men are dominate every discussion. Take for instance when a translator is needed between us and a community member, a male is asked to translate. Even if that LCF that is asked is my…unique (read: crazy and unreliable) LCF that leads my language group. But, he has a penis and therefore, he’s better than the women and deserves to stand up and give his own interpretation of what is being said while translating.
What pisses me off the most is that all the PCV’s (Peace Corps Volunteers) that come to facilitate workshops are mostly male volunteers! It makes no sense because there is notoriously more women in the Peace Corps and therefore more women in Peace Corps-South Africa. Get the problem, now?
Soo…I was pondering this issue while (another) male volunteer was regurgitating the same information that we’ve learned three times from three different male volunteers in previous weeks. The facts are that volunteers apply to present topics during training and are selected by the training staff (of which one, I think, is a full time employee, and you guessed right, a South African man). So the theory is that a South African man is selecting PCV’s who just happen (ironically) to be male. Is it because more males apply to present? My guess is no. From my count so far, we’ve only had 2 female PCVs come to present a topic to us. They had the shortest time slots and, I think, their time was also cut down by schedule changes. The few other female volunteers that came to training have been on committees and required to come. They don’t count.
When I was Australia, we used to call issues of this sort Penis Problems. Haha. P-Ps…Haha. It’s still kinda funny.
Anyway.
I should get off my high horse and deal with things the way they are, right? My new mantra for life is: It’s not bad, it’s different. It’s not bad, it’s different. It’s not bad, it’s different.
If I say it enough times, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
It’s not bad, it’s different.
Hmm, maybe it’ll take a few more times and see how it works.

Goodnight